Hello All!!
Today I made the trip down to St. Louis!
The last few days have been very emotional, stressful, and I've been very anxious.
Only yesterday I talked to Jackson and we had to break up for my own reasons. We lost some foundational relationship stuff, and if you wanted to talk to me further about it, please don't hesitate to ask questions. I feel very at peace with this choice, even though it was a hard one to make.
The ride down to St. Louis was boring and not at all problematic.
I met my wonderful team that I'll be working with for the next two months. They are all WONDERFUL and I know I'll get along with them all very well. We have Selah, Rachel, Ian, and Peter from the St. Louis area; Melissa from Colorado, and then myself.
I'm all moved in and already have a family/friend shrine set up above my head :P
Ask me questions!! I'll tell you whatever you wonder about!
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
One Down.
This week, I finished my freshman year at Moody Bible Institute.
It was the best and worst year of my life. I experienced things I thought I would never be able to do (Such as drive from Chicago to Michigan with no directions what so ever!). It was the worst academically, Moody does expect a lot out of you, and for me... maybe that was too much to ask myself to do. I love Moody, I love the people there, I love the community... but I can't juggle three papers at once. Today, I was academically dismissed and, yes, I did cry my entire three hour drive home.
I would never trade this year for anything. The best thing I've learned this year is that there is SO MUCH to learn, and I'm going to continue to pursue that knowledge... whether it's in Moody Distance Learning, or another route, I know what I want to do is acquire the knowledge to share with other people.
I will not be discouraged by this because I know God has a plan, and He knows what's best for me. Right now I'm reapplying for Moody Distance Learning to get my Associate in Biblical studies.
No, I don't know what i want to do in the fall.
No, I didn't see it coming.
Yes, they did tell me it was a possibility.
Yes, I did try my hardest.
Yes, I will trust that God has a plan for this next part of my life.
No, I don't know what state I'll even live in come fall.
Yes, I do want to get a degree.
No, this won't change my mind.
Yes, I promise I tried my hardest.
No, I didn't waste my time with friends; I hardly hung out with my floor because I had projects to do.
Please stop asking me questions about it. This is the last I want to talk about it for awhile.
It was the best and worst year of my life. I experienced things I thought I would never be able to do (Such as drive from Chicago to Michigan with no directions what so ever!). It was the worst academically, Moody does expect a lot out of you, and for me... maybe that was too much to ask myself to do. I love Moody, I love the people there, I love the community... but I can't juggle three papers at once. Today, I was academically dismissed and, yes, I did cry my entire three hour drive home.
I would never trade this year for anything. The best thing I've learned this year is that there is SO MUCH to learn, and I'm going to continue to pursue that knowledge... whether it's in Moody Distance Learning, or another route, I know what I want to do is acquire the knowledge to share with other people.
I will not be discouraged by this because I know God has a plan, and He knows what's best for me. Right now I'm reapplying for Moody Distance Learning to get my Associate in Biblical studies.
No, I don't know what i want to do in the fall.
No, I didn't see it coming.
Yes, they did tell me it was a possibility.
Yes, I did try my hardest.
Yes, I will trust that God has a plan for this next part of my life.
No, I don't know what state I'll even live in come fall.
Yes, I do want to get a degree.
No, this won't change my mind.
Yes, I promise I tried my hardest.
No, I didn't waste my time with friends; I hardly hung out with my floor because I had projects to do.
Please stop asking me questions about it. This is the last I want to talk about it for awhile.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Imperfection
One day closer to being done with school and one day closer to going to St. Louis!
Oh, there's also this song... less relevant... still good.
Also presented in this same class... yeah, good class.
This year has really pointed out what a horrible person I am. No, really. I'm awful. The first week at Moody was the worst. Everyone else seemed to Spiritual, super close to God, not doing anything wrong ever. That was probably the furthest from God I have ever felt, because I felt like everyone else was so much closer.
I have learned that my relationship with God is my own. He has given me my interests, hobbies, words, and heart. This is something no one can ever take away from me. As awful as I might be or have been, He still looks at me as His. I am His daughter, His bride, His harlot to take care of. He is continually changing me and my heart for His glory.
I also learned that a lot of people at this school simply have the facade of being perfect. What people don't realize is if you put up a wall of perfection, it may be a stumbling block for others. We're made for community, and when you reject that away to pretend you've got in under control, you're hurting yourself by dealing with things alone, and your hurting others by making them think they're not good enough.
I'm imperfect, so are you.
Here is another video!
A guy presented it in the same class I did the Sneetch video. I thought it was cool and it provoked me to write this.
Oh, there's also this song... less relevant... still good.
Also presented in this same class... yeah, good class.
Monday, May 6, 2013
To This Day...
Growing up, I was bullied.
In elementary school, it was already in my head that I was an outcast, not good enough, not beautiful. My parents had just got a divorce and I was convinced it was all my fault (Love you guys if your reading this).
In middle school, I didn't know how to handle this and I started cutting myself. I had no true friends, my best friend was my cat. I had low grades, I felt stupid. At home, I felt ignored and tossed aside. I turned to the wrong friends who treated me poorly — but, HEY, they were friends.... right?
Wrong. These "friends" started rumors about me in high school. They made me feel like the scum of the earth. My grades were awful, I wasn't involved in anything.
My sophomore year, I got much more involved with my church. I was involved as a leader in the middle school, and stopped hanging out with people my age. I hung out with people who I knew would uplift me and bring me closer to God. Even as a leader, I struggled with self-injury and still didn't know who I was. By the end of the school year, my loving, wonderful mother saw that I could not handle high school any longer and allowed me to be pulled out and be home schooled for my junior/senior year.
That year, I had a small group of girls that were in 8th grade. They challenged me every week with their questions. I knew I had to be a better person for them. That year, I stopped cutting. I realized if I was going to minister to them... I had to stand up to myself and tell myself that if I was teaching them how to have faith in the Lord under any circumstance, casting all their anxieties on him... I had to live that way. I learned that I am beautiful, because of God in my life and inside of me. He has made me a new creation, that he has created me beautiful on the inside and he outside.
This video is super intense, but I love it. We need to focus on bullying more instead of tossing it aside. be aware while visiting schools, or schools you teach in. Be a friend for someone, weather they're younger or older, YOU could be that changing factor.
In elementary school, it was already in my head that I was an outcast, not good enough, not beautiful. My parents had just got a divorce and I was convinced it was all my fault (Love you guys if your reading this).
In middle school, I didn't know how to handle this and I started cutting myself. I had no true friends, my best friend was my cat. I had low grades, I felt stupid. At home, I felt ignored and tossed aside. I turned to the wrong friends who treated me poorly — but, HEY, they were friends.... right?
Wrong. These "friends" started rumors about me in high school. They made me feel like the scum of the earth. My grades were awful, I wasn't involved in anything.
My sophomore year, I got much more involved with my church. I was involved as a leader in the middle school, and stopped hanging out with people my age. I hung out with people who I knew would uplift me and bring me closer to God. Even as a leader, I struggled with self-injury and still didn't know who I was. By the end of the school year, my loving, wonderful mother saw that I could not handle high school any longer and allowed me to be pulled out and be home schooled for my junior/senior year.
That year, I had a small group of girls that were in 8th grade. They challenged me every week with their questions. I knew I had to be a better person for them. That year, I stopped cutting. I realized if I was going to minister to them... I had to stand up to myself and tell myself that if I was teaching them how to have faith in the Lord under any circumstance, casting all their anxieties on him... I had to live that way. I learned that I am beautiful, because of God in my life and inside of me. He has made me a new creation, that he has created me beautiful on the inside and he outside.
This video is super intense, but I love it. We need to focus on bullying more instead of tossing it aside. be aware while visiting schools, or schools you teach in. Be a friend for someone, weather they're younger or older, YOU could be that changing factor.
What a Sneetch Can Teach!
I'm presenting a snippet of this video to my Urban Youth Ministry class tonight. Decided to share it here.
This is Dr. Suess's look on Prejudice.
The non-star sneeches just want to be treated as an equal to the star-bellied sneeches but are treated like dirt instead. A fix-it man comes to town and acts as if he has all the answers.
Eventually, all sneeches — plan or star-bellied — learn that looks, social status or anything doesn't make one better than another. The fix-it man may have left with all their money, but he gives them nothing to be prejudice about.
I think we all just make up in our heads what makes one better from another. I have learned that there is no difference between myself and someone who grew up in a harder environment that many people look down on.
Obviously the sneeches has much more to teach about, one of the reasons I LOVE Dr. Suess, but this is just what I'm focusing on. Thanks guys :)
This is Dr. Suess's look on Prejudice.
The non-star sneeches just want to be treated as an equal to the star-bellied sneeches but are treated like dirt instead. A fix-it man comes to town and acts as if he has all the answers.
Eventually, all sneeches — plan or star-bellied — learn that looks, social status or anything doesn't make one better than another. The fix-it man may have left with all their money, but he gives them nothing to be prejudice about.
I think we all just make up in our heads what makes one better from another. I have learned that there is no difference between myself and someone who grew up in a harder environment that many people look down on.
Obviously the sneeches has much more to teach about, one of the reasons I LOVE Dr. Suess, but this is just what I'm focusing on. Thanks guys :)
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Counting Down
Hello My Lovelies!
Many of you may know that I'm going to St. Louis, MO this summer for an Internship with Restore St. Louis Work Day team I will be living on the campus of New City Fellowship Church near St. Louis, MO. I will be there for ten weeks from May 28 to August 3. I will be caring for widows, the poor, orphans, immigrants and refugees by working on repairs in homes, visiting and other various activities all while physically and verbally sharing the good news of Jesus Christ. During the day I will be helping the community, while in the afternoon every night we have a Vacation Bible Club for children in the neighborhoods.
I have been on short term mission trips to Workday Ministry five separate summers, each time with a feeling I needed to come back and continue to minister. I grew an attachment to the community dynamic and the people I came into contact with. I’m excited to see how God will stretch me physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Many of you may know that I'm going to St. Louis, MO this summer for an Internship with Restore St. Louis Work Day team I will be living on the campus of New City Fellowship Church near St. Louis, MO. I will be there for ten weeks from May 28 to August 3. I will be caring for widows, the poor, orphans, immigrants and refugees by working on repairs in homes, visiting and other various activities all while physically and verbally sharing the good news of Jesus Christ. During the day I will be helping the community, while in the afternoon every night we have a Vacation Bible Club for children in the neighborhoods.
I have been on short term mission trips to Workday Ministry five separate summers, each time with a feeling I needed to come back and continue to minister. I grew an attachment to the community dynamic and the people I came into contact with. I’m excited to see how God will stretch me physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Prayer Requests:
- Protection on the way down
- Protection in the neighborhoods
- Energy
- Compatibility with the team
- for loneliness not to take me over
- Between now and then, for me to focus on whats in front of me with school.
Thank you all so much, and please check back!
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